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Reactions vs. Choices. Be Kind to Yourself (Updated)

Instead of Scolding Yourself for Reactions, Be Kind to Yourself and Analyze Them Instead

The meanest person in the world when it comes to making you feel bad about your reactions is yourself. So often when a person does something, they’ll immediately start berating themselves.

The consent negative self talk

It might be internally with negative self-talk or it might be spoken aloud. Everything from “I’m so stupid” to “Only I would do something that ridiculous” can be a form of scolding. So if a lot of people have a tendency to scold themselves for their reactions, then what’s the big deal?

The big deal is that when you scold yourself for what you feel, for what you think or for your reactions, you end up strengthening negative beliefs about yourself. When you do that, it can erode your satisfaction in every area of your life from work to your personal relationships.

You run the risk of getting stuck in a rut of constantly belittling your reactions to everything, even the positive stuff. You have to stop scolding yourself if you want to live your best life.

Rather than scolding yourself, making yourself feel bad, and keeping a negative mindset about yourself, be kind. You deserve kindness from every area of your life, from every person in your life, and you deserve it from yourself.

How to stop the cycle of negativity

1. Be aware

To stop the cycle of scolding yourself, become aware of why you react the way that you do. More often than not, our reactions are not off the cuff. There’s a reason for the way that we react.

Usually, it’s because we have thought patterns and behaviors that we fall back on in every situation. But the way that you react is what makes you who you are. It’s all the experiences you’ve had in life up to now.

Remember that just because you react a certain way doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re simply a human being who has feelings and you’re doing the best that you can so don’t judge yourself.

2. Be kind to yourself

Be as kind to yourself as you would to your best friend or to someone you love deeply. Learn to analyze your reactions. When you analyze your reactions, you can learn from them.

By understanding the reason that you do what you do, you can make changes if you need to. Mindfulness can help you to analyze your reactions and you’ll learn why you react that way and you’ll learn self-acceptance, too.

3. Accept yourself

When you accept yourself, it’s easier to be kinder to yourself. You can analyze your reactions by asking yourself what you were thinking or feeling when you reacted the way that you did.

4. Write a journal entry or a letter to yourself

It’s very normal for you to set a high standard of yourself and experience anxiety of doing more, being better in current society. Write down your anxiety. Deconstruct your concern and find out the root cause to stop this endless roundabout of negativity and anxiety. Read more on how to do a self-reflective entry.


Self-care is now a trend and there are plenty of books and resources. Here are a few personal recommendations and links that I find is good:


Not in a mood to read? Here’s a quick recap:

Be mindful and aware of the ourselves as the biggest critique. Use awareness to understand that you are reacting instead of giving yourself any option to be kind to yourself. Write to yourself and iron out all critical hypothesis of yourself using a reflective journal.

Enjoy your journey of discovering yourself 🙂